Are we really able to be our authentic selves or are we still being “told” how to be authentic?
I’ve been wanting to write an article like this, a series of articles actually, for a long time, but of course, I’ve been too afraid to. Too afraid of what? To say how I really feel, of course. Because being myself, saying what I really think or feel, being authentic, will just get me in trouble with someone, I’m sure.
But, I’m just going to stick my toe in the water here and post something short and see how this goes.
A part of me has gotten to a point where…how does she put it? You country music fans might be familiar with this line from Jo Dee Messina…
”My Give A Damn’s Busted.”
I’ve been interviewing and interviewing for a new job for three and half months now. I don’t do things half-assed. I put my everything into it and I don’t know how much longer I can do this, quite honestly. I have the expertise, I have the passion, I’m a kind, loyal, dedicated, hard-working person (even though I was told I was “mean” for the first time in my life by a senior-level director, someone quite honestly who didn’t even really know me). I’m getting worse and worse at my interviews because I’m so exhausted and depressed.
I think I could probably write a screen play about my life and all the crazy, unbelievable, rude, outrageous, shitty, self-serving, and yeah, kinda humorous (now that I look back), things I’ve been through. But, hey, I got back up and I’m still kickin’ it! A little pissed off and resentful, but I’m learning to let it go, and I’ve actually learned some pretty valuable lessons about life and people and strength and resiliency through these experiences. And I’ve sought out and received invaluable help from new resources I’ve discovered and support from new friends and connections I’ve been blessed with. Nothing happens without one door closing or by mistake.
“Your best teacher is your last mistake.” ~ Ralph Nader
~ My new favorite resource and quote is from Brené Brown. I wish I would have heard this one a long time ago! This runs through my head a LOT!!! Very helpful…and SO true. 🙂
“If they’re not also in the arena getting their ass kicked too, then their opinion doesn’t matter.”
~ My new work theme:
“Let It Go”
Back to being authentic, I remember writing an email. Just a short, quick email in which I intended to be authentic and my boss, who shall remain nameless, insisted on “proofing” it and “mentoring me” on how to “proof” my messages. To delete all the “justs” and “maybes” because she thought I was too tentative in my communication style. By the time we were done “proofing” my message it didn’t sound authentically like me at all. A message that is authentically me, from my heart, is one which just pours out, and is natural, in my voice, not something that’s been doctored, and edited by someone who isn’t even inside my head.
This stuff really gets to me and I don’t understand why we can’t just be ourselves. What’s wrong with that??? Are we really so bad just the way we are?